Understanding Addictive Thinking.

Many times the spouse of the addict or other family members need help too. "Why?" you may ask! The important thing to remember here is that living with an alcoholic or addict can be so dysfunctional that the family members become victims of their own addiction.
How many times does the family member try to control the addicts drinking? Throwing away bottles, avoiding confrontation, "otherwise it will make him drink!" avoiding going to parties or friends, because you know what the inevitable will be, hiding the car keys, ringing the addicts boss with a 'good' excuse why your spouse or family member hasn't come to work. All of these actions appear to be quite reasonable, I know. This is addictive thinking on the part of the spouse. But none of these actions are helping your loved one!
A wife may say that "my husband is the one with the problem not me."
But look closely to what is happening, in these scenarios, let's say it's the wife, she is 'enabling' the addict and prolonging the problem by trying to 'control' the addict and the situation until the wife is tearing her hair out! despair sets in and feeling of powerlessness over the addict descends and the obsessions begin!
You've become addicted!! To your addict. The alcoholic is like your bottle just as the alcoholic is addicted to His bottle.
What do I mean by 'prolonging your loved ones problem.? Those words may hurt because in a loving relationship a spouse/family member feels that they need to protect the alcoholic/addict. In other words preventing the addict from reaching his bottom.
I know that to NOT stop your alcoholic/addict from driving or by NOT calling the boss with excuses is very worrying, for obvious reasons. This is why the addicts family need help as well.
Al-Anon (a support group for family and friends of the alcoholic or addict) and/or counseling can bring a change to the family group in general.
The family's first priority is to know and accept a few golden rules:

1. Take care of yourself. Especially if your loved one becomes violent.
2. Accept that you don't cause the alcoholic to drink.
3. Accept that you can't control the alcoholic.
4. Accept that you can't cure the alcoholic.

   Take a look at the previous blog dated the 8th April 2010. (Tips for communicating with an addicted loved one) Your attitude in communicating with your spouse/family member is very important. This seems like a paradox but the difficulty is putting what you know NOT to do into action.
This is where you will need the help in keeping within those boundaries that you will learn. To have support for yourself is just as important as the alcoholic/addict getting support for himself, once he's come to the conclusion that HE is powerless over alcohol.

Blessings
Tovah.