Addictive Thinking: Concept of Time.

For an alcoholic or addict to say "I can stop whenever I want" becomes the most frustrating sentence that family and friends will hear! Anyone close to an alcoholic/addict will have seen countless times how the addict will "stop" and make innumerable resolutions. Abstinence may be for hours, days and sometimes weeks. But ordinarily the active practice of addiction resumes. This may go on for years and for many, until death!

I hear and see family and friends totally bewildered by the alcoholic/addict. I hear them say "How can a person insist that he can stop at any time when it's obviously not true?" Even therapists may ask themselves, How can an intelligent person be so oblivious to reality? How can a highly intelligent, intellectual man or woman with positions of great responsibility, who can analyse and retain scientific data, not add two plus two in regard to their drinking or drugging?

The answer lies in the addictive thinkers concept of time. For everyone, time is variable. Under certain circumstances, a few minutes can seem like an eternity, while under other circumstances, weeks and months appear to have lasted only moments. So it's quite obvious that when an addict stops for just a few days he believes that he has stopped. The alcoholic or addict may wonder why others can't see that he has stopped. The answer is obvious to his family because the next day the alcoholic is drunk again.

When an active alcoholic stops drinking, his day is sometimes measured in minutes or even seconds to get him through the day. The suffering that he has to go through is tremendous on the mind and the body. Is it any wonder that after a couple of days or so when the alcoholic picks up a drink again, it's quite common for him to say "but it's ages since I had a drink" this makes perfect sense to him, after all he has felt like he has suffered for an eternity. Once again he will say to himself, "I'll just have one to calm me down" and there he goes again, all lit up!!
 
Alcoholics/addicts have very low tolerance and patience levels and addictive substances bring about instant relief. Today many of us are guilty of impatience, new and wonderful technology has created an 'instant pudding generation.' Even if an addict was offered the cheapest drugs, that would give him the best high he'd ever experienced, but would have to wait a day to get the high he would tell you to "get lost" or words to that effect, "what good is that rubbish to me?"
Imagine if a non-addicted person was in hospital in extreme physical and emotional pain after an operation and he was offered painkillers that only kicked in after a day?  I bet you would ask for another Doctor?
I know many addicts who pray for tolerance and patience, and usually they will say "But please G-d I want it now"!

Anyone who participates in risky behaviours such as a sex addict, smoker, drinker or heroin addict, are taking serious chances with their health, but again the consequences are in the "future" and that is not in their conception of time.

When a newcomer enters Alcoholics Anonymous or sees a seasoned Counsellor who really understands addiction, the slogan "One Day At A Time" is a very powerful concept for the alcoholic/addict. It's a measurable amount of time and as long as the alcoholic/addict doesn't take the next drink or drug and receives the correct treatment, he will recover.
Yes an alcoholic/addict can stop at any time. The difficulty is how does he stay stopped?

Parts of this post have been taken from the book: Addictive Thinking. By Abraham Twersky PhD

Understanding Addictive Thinking.

Many times the spouse of the addict or other family members need help too. "Why?" you may ask! The important thing to remember here is that living with an alcoholic or addict can be so dysfunctional that the family members become victims of their own addiction.
How many times does the family member try to control the addicts drinking? Throwing away bottles, avoiding confrontation, "otherwise it will make him drink!" avoiding going to parties or friends, because you know what the inevitable will be, hiding the car keys, ringing the addicts boss with a 'good' excuse why your spouse or family member hasn't come to work. All of these actions appear to be quite reasonable, I know. This is addictive thinking on the part of the spouse. But none of these actions are helping your loved one!
A wife may say that "my husband is the one with the problem not me."
But look closely to what is happening, in these scenarios, let's say it's the wife, she is 'enabling' the addict and prolonging the problem by trying to 'control' the addict and the situation until the wife is tearing her hair out! despair sets in and feeling of powerlessness over the addict descends and the obsessions begin!
You've become addicted!! To your addict. The alcoholic is like your bottle just as the alcoholic is addicted to His bottle.
What do I mean by 'prolonging your loved ones problem.? Those words may hurt because in a loving relationship a spouse/family member feels that they need to protect the alcoholic/addict. In other words preventing the addict from reaching his bottom.
I know that to NOT stop your alcoholic/addict from driving or by NOT calling the boss with excuses is very worrying, for obvious reasons. This is why the addicts family need help as well.
Al-Anon (a support group for family and friends of the alcoholic or addict) and/or counseling can bring a change to the family group in general.
The family's first priority is to know and accept a few golden rules:

1. Take care of yourself. Especially if your loved one becomes violent.
2. Accept that you don't cause the alcoholic to drink.
3. Accept that you can't control the alcoholic.
4. Accept that you can't cure the alcoholic.

   Take a look at the previous blog dated the 8th April 2010. (Tips for communicating with an addicted loved one) Your attitude in communicating with your spouse/family member is very important. This seems like a paradox but the difficulty is putting what you know NOT to do into action.
This is where you will need the help in keeping within those boundaries that you will learn. To have support for yourself is just as important as the alcoholic/addict getting support for himself, once he's come to the conclusion that HE is powerless over alcohol.

Blessings
Tovah.

Understanding Addictive Thinking.

"No I only drink socially" the man said. Who by the way was a skilled cardiologist who drank heavily for years. As time and drinking went on, he began to experience morning after effects. Although he got to the hospital daily, he felt very sick until quite late in the mornings. Still he knew that he was "only a social drinker." He believed something was wrong with the way his stomach absorbed alcohol - too much alcohol was remaining in his stomach overnight.
The doctor remembered a procedure that he had learned in med school with a friend who was studying the digestive system. He was given measured amount of food, and forty five minutes later a tube was passed through the nose to the stomach. His stomach contents were emptied and submitted to a laboratory for analysis.
"I had become very adept at passing a tube down my nose into my stomach" the doctor recalled, "and "it occurred to me last night that this technique could be the answer to my early morning misery." Before going to bed at night the doctor would pass a tube into his
stomach and empty it's contents. As he expected, he woke up the next morning feeling much better. He continued this practice every night for six weeks. The only reason he stopped  was because the tube was irritating his throat and almost closed off. He was 'afraid' that he would need a tracheotomy to be able to breathe.
"But not even once" the doctor said "not once in those six weeks did it occur to me that a social drinker doesn't pump his stomach every night!"
This instance is a good example of the denial and insanity in an alcoholics mind. He will find any reason for his ill health, loss of his job and consequently his depleted bank account. Eventually his family might leave him or tell him to leave but the alcoholic will always be able to validate his own insane thinking as to why "this has happened to me"
In the field of addiction we say that the meaning of 'insanity' is repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Because "next time for sure it will be different"
Some excerpts taken from Addictive Thinking: By Abraham Twersky M.D

From Near Death To Recovery

Hi everyone. Its been a while since I posted on my blog. So I'm really eager for you to see the final part of "From Near Death to Recovery"
This young woman has reclaimed her life. She now knows who she is and has the confidence to move forward, does service to help other addicts and alcoholics to reclaim their lives. So BEAUTIFUL!! We hope that these videos encourage others who are suffering a living death to get the help that they need. You are not alone and you can't recover on your own. Those who think that they can....... usually die!!
I've posted again the first video "Reflections of my Past" to remind you of what it was like.....

Posted with permission from the author of these videos: Thank you Airy

I Gotta Feelin' - That A Sober Life Is A Good Life

Reflections of the past / My journey Part 1