Tips For Communicating With an Addicted Loved One

Communicating with someone with an addiction can be especially hard if you have been supporting the person's addiction by "enabling" them to continue with their addictive behavior. Making changes in the way that you interact will put an end to enabling, while still showing you care about the person.

Act with kindness

Show you care through your behavior – always act with kindness and compassion.

Your loved one is more likely to confide in you about what is really going on for them if you listen without interrupting or criticizing. Even if you do not agree with their behavior, try to understand what it is like for them.

Be consistent

Try to remain consistent in your messages. For example, don’t say you think they have a drinking problem, and then share a bottle of wine over dinner.

Be predictable

Be predictable in your words and actions – surprises are stressful!

Show unconditional love

Let the person know that you still love and care about them, whether or not they get help. This doesn't mean you will put up with anything, however.

Support change happening

Let the person know that you are willing to support them in changing, for example, by coming with them to family or couples counseling.

Do it their way

Offer to help in ways that they would like, without dictating what must be done.

Get information on help

Offer to find and share information on where to get help. If they decline, focus instead on getting help for yourself.

Let them know your limits

If the person seems unwilling to change, and you feel you cannot keep on living with them while they are engaging in their addiction, gently let them know (counseling can be a good place to do this). As long as they do not know how much it bothers you, they have no reason to change.