After suffering a life of addiction and recovered, I wanted to share some of my experience & knowledge in a blog. If I can help someone somewhere, besides those that I help in my own community, then I will be very happy. Addiction of any kind is a serious deadly disease. It doesn't go away on it's own! Tovah
I have decided to alter my blog posts a little, by adding to the content more information about sign's, symptoms and behaviours of alcoholics and addicts. Generally I don't like to label anyone as an addict or alcoholic, it's more successful if the addict can come to his own diagnosis and seek the help that he needs. Intervention is a word that people like to use, thinking that it will bring the addict to 'his senses' especially for family and friends who have had their lives destroyed by a sufferer.
I will be writing about intervention in a later post, because interventions are not so simple and can delay the correct treatment necessary for the addict.
I hope that these future posts will be of help for the suffering alcoholic/addict who might just be 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' and also to any family member of the addict who might be just plain sick and tired of him.
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The phenomenon of abnormal thinking in addiction was first recognized in Alcoholics Anonymous, where the highly descriptive term 'stinkin thinkin' was coined. Old timers in AA use this term to describe the 'dry drunk,' or the alcoholic who abstains from drinking but behaves in many other ways much like an active drinker.
For example: I knew of a young woman who was procrastinating turning in her term paper for school. When I asked her why she hadn't finished her paper, she said:
"Oh but I've finished it."
"So why haven't you handed it in then?" I asked
"Because I need to do some more work on it," she said.
"But I thought you said it was finished," I remarked
"It is," she said
Whilst this statement appears illogical to most people, it can make perfect sense to someone who thinks addictively. Further more, although distorted thinking does not necessarily indicate addiction, the intensity and regularity of this type of thinking are most common amongst addicts.
To recognize the statements .... "the paper is all finished" "I have more work to do on it" are contradictory. These contradictions can be very subtle and to 'normal' thinking people they can be confusing but very convincing at the same time.
HOW ADDICTIVE DISEASES RESEMBLE SCHIZOPHRENIA
Sometimes people with an addictive disease can be misdiagnosed as schizophrenic, because they may have some of the same symptoms.
delusions
hallucinations
inappropriate moods
very abnormal behaviour
All of these symptoms, however, may be manifestations of toxic effects of chemicals on the brain. These people have what is known as a chemically induced psychosis, which may resemble, but is not schizophrenia. Once the addict is free from the drugs or alcohol these symptoms usually disappear.
For the addict/alcoholic there is hope of getting back on track but for the schizophrenic treatment is much different and usually medication is prescribed to stabilize the patient.
Being confronted by the addictive thinking though can be tough especially for a family with a late stage alcoholic (drug addict) they see the sufferer whose life is steadily falling apart; perhaps the addicts health is deteriorating, family life is in ruins, and job is in jeopardy. All these problems are obviously due to the effects of the alcohol or drugs, yet the addict appears unable to recognize this and he will come up with other 'quite plausible' excuses as to why the drinking or drugging have nothing to do with any of his problems. This is stinking thinking mixed in with the next symptom of Denial!!
If you are suffering from alcohol or drug abuse please seek help. These blogs are not intended to be a medical source to 'cure' you of your addiction.
In this 'instant pudding' generation of 'instant gratification' many kids are turning to alcohol to get their buzz, to kill the pain, to have a good time, to escape from the problems of life. As early as twelve or thirteen years of age, kids are drinking on a regular basis to get their 'high.' In turn more problems are brought about by inappropriate acting out. Even as a 'Mitzva' (a good deed) many children are encouraged by family & friends, to drink wine at a kiddush, l'chaim etc. In many religious circles, young people are told that "to have a drink will bring a happier mind and spirit." According to Rabbi Avraham Twersky MD this is foolish and it is no Mitzva. I agree.!! Rabbi Twersky is an eminent psychiatrist, with 40 years experience in the field of alcohol & substance abuse, according to him even on Purim a child, that's a kid who is under the age of twenty one, should not consume more than one and half ounces of alcohol. I have known many young people who know that they can't control their drinking, if they drink even this amount. If this is the case DON'T DRINK AT ALL; EVEN IF YOU ARE TOLD THAT IT WILL NOT HARM YOU........IT WILL!!
The following link is a dramatization of a real life situation. The setting is in a religious environment, so "don't be put off" it still applies in every situation where young people are concerned. How much is your child's life worth? http://vimeo.com/5438925
Q: My 19 year old son a good bachur and gashmake personality, who learns in a good yeshiva in a supervised dormitory, was having a severe pain in one of his teeth on a Shabbos. He took a few tylonol and went to a married friend for seudah shlishis which became a seudas preidah for a bachur who was leaving the Yeshiva, and he had about a glass of scotch.
He was still in a lot of pain as he went to Maariv, heard Havdalah, borrowed enough money for a bus ticket back to Yeshiva and went to the bus stop. The next thing he knew he woke up in the emergency room with a huge bump on his head. He had passed out at the bus stop. I have been open with my kids about the many dangers that they may encounter, but I never thought about drinking alcohol whilst taking medicine, I thought it was obvious.
We called a fellow that was with him at the seudah who shed some surprising (and worrisome) insight on the general situation: In some circles it is considered normal and acceptable for a bachur who davens with a minyan, learns three sedarim a day has a mussar seder and doesn’t engage in inappropriate activity to have some excuse to have an alcoholic drink during the week; there is usually some sort of simcha going on. It is acceptable to drink a whole glass of whiskey – skip the soda please; or vodka and two glasses are just as acceptable. Shabbos afternoon, three bachurim can easily knock off a whole bottle of scotch. Beer is almost a soft drink.
I asked my son why he or any of the boys would feel the need to drink alcohol. Is it to unwind to gain confidence, to avoid serious discussion or due to peer pressure?
This question did get him thinking but he couldn’t pin point the reason.
He does know as do his siblings because I have particular concerns, because my father was an alcoholic, and there is a pretty strong theory that alcoholism could have a genetic component. I asked him to write to you which he did not so I asked if he mind if I write, which he said was fine.
I asked him where his friends get the money for this relatively expensive habit, and he said “ Well, in some cases it is related to the other problem – gambling” I remember how my alcoholic Father would not let us play ‘old maid’ or ‘fish’ on Shabbos because cards were used for gambling. We were amazed, whoever knew? It seems like it is back in style. And they gamble hard and seriously and borrow money from friends and they don’t pay it back and the debt just keeps growing. He doesn’t gamble he’s already ‘dealt with a debt’ but he likes to watch for the entertainment. So I felt that before the summer the following is relevant.
Q: Is it normal for a bachur to have a glass of whiskey at a Kiddush or at a friends’ farewell seudah?
Q: When does it become ‘not normal’?
Q: When does it become an addiction?
Q: When does gambling become an addiction?
A: Your letter is most important calling attention to two serious problems affecting our youth, problems which many parents refuse to recognize because “it can’t happen in my family.” Unfortunately this denial is not often overcome, until they are struck with tragedy, chas vshalom. For whatever reason excessive drinking has become more prevalent.
A: Underage drinking should be strictly forbidden, except for a sip of wine at Kiddush there should be zero tolerance for drinking any liquor, wine, beer any alcohol – under age 18. Not on Shabbos, not at weddings, not on YomTov, not at a Shalom Zachor.
This may seem radical but it is not radical to parents who have rachmana litzlan lost a child to alcohol. If this is observed then one can fulfill the Purim halacha by having one ounce of wine on Purim (mishna brura 695:5) I don’t think that anyone at any age should be more frum than the Chofetz Chaim.
Hatzolah is unfortunately kept very busy on Purim and they can testify to the gruesome scenes they encounter.
A: Many young people do not have mature judgment, and their brains are sensitive to alcohol so the small amounts of alcohol distort their judgment. The only safeguard is to abstain from drinking.
Young people may think that it is smart or cool to drink. It is not. It is foolish and dangerous.
Children tend to emulate their parents. Parents should know that if they drink on Shabbos and become intoxicated they are inviting their children to suffer from addictions chas vshalom.
A: In the past few years there has been an alarming increase in teenage gambling and this problem has hit frum families as well. There are youngsters who pilfer from their parents, and are desperate enough to steal from strangers in order to gamble; others may commit credit card fraud.
A: Gambling can easily become addictive, and when this happens disaster is inevitable. I describe the problem in ‘Compulsive Gambling – Its More Than Dreidel’
Sadly it is not unusual to ignore warnings. Many parents are more comfortable believing that “it can’t happen to us.”
PARENTS WAKE UP! A concerted united effort by parents and community activists can prevent these potentially deadly behaviors; do not be lulled by a false sense of security.
When They Start Using, What Drugs They Use, and Teen Drug Use Warning Signs
Teen drug abuse has been declining in the United States for the last decade, but several drugs remain a dangerous problem for many teens. Parents and other adults should know the signs of teen drug abuse so they can get help for teens who have a problem with drug use and abuse.
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By the time they reach their teens, many young people already know someone who uses drugs. Some kids feel pressure to use drugs like alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana as early as 3rd grade. More kids are introduced to drugs during adolescence, or the junior high or middle school years. The percentage teen drug abuse increases through the high school years and into young adulthood.
Over 30 percent of 8th graders have used alcohol, and by 12th grade 66 percent of teens have used alcohol.
3 percent of 8th graders smoke tobacco.
About 10 percent of 8th graders have used marijuana. About 25 percent of 10th graders and over 30 percent of 12th graders have used marijuana.
10 percent of teens in 12th grade have abused prescription drugs. On average, 2,500 teens abuse a prescription drug for the first time every day.
The use of most drugs among teens is declining. In the last decade these numbers have gone down from almost 47 percent of 8th graders using alcohol, 10 percent smoking cigarettes, and about 12 percent using marijuana. Cocaine use declined in the 1990s from its peak in the 1980s, but it has remained steady since that time. Still, about a quarter of students say that drugs are available to them at school.
The exception to the downward or steady trend of drug use among teens is the teen prescription drug abuse, especially prescription painkillers, which has been rising in recent years. In the last decade treatment for teen prescription drug addiction has increased 300 percent. Many teens have a misperception about prescription drugs, believing that they are safe because they can be obtained legally. Prescription drugs are easy to get from medicine cabinets at home or at family or friends' houses, meaning that many teens can abuse prescription drugs for free. Also, parents sometimes give their children another family member's prescription painkillers without realizing the potential dangerous side effects and addiction that can occur.
Teen Drug Use Statistics show the most common drugs abused by teens are, in descending order:
The drugs that are abused most commonly - alcohol, marijuana, and prescription drugs - may be appealing to teens because they think there is no risk involved in using them. Unfortunately, the use of any of these drugs during the teen years can have serious long-term consequences on a teen's physical and mental wellbeing. A teen's brain is still developing, so using any drugs during the teen years can cause problems with the teen's growth, development, and long term health. Also, using these drugs lowers teens' inhibitions, which can lead to other dangerous choices like driving under the influence or having unprotected sex.
Because teen drug use dangerous, parents should be aware of signs that their teen may be abusing drugs. Signs that a teen may be using drugs include:
Having drugs or drug paraphernalia
Medications or alcohol missing from your home or the home of family members or friends
A change in friends, or hanging out with friends who use drugs
Red or glassy eyes, or dilated pupils
Slow, slurred speech or talking unusually fast and jumping from subject to subject
Defensiveness when questioned about activities or drug use
Losing interest in favorite activities
Also, teens who are using or abusing drugs often need money to continue their drug use, though you may not be aware of their money problems. Some signs that teens may be seeking money for drugs include:
Always being out of money even if they have an allowance or a job
It is best to start talking to your teens about teen drug use before they have a problem, but if you think your teen is using drugs, it's important to talk to them right away. Teens need help to overcome their teen drug abuse.
Fortunately, there’s more than one way to quit smoking. . . the catch is you must choose wisely to become smoke-free.
What if you have just recently stopped smoking smoking cessation, but you are still craving a cigarette, and to top it off, find that you are gaining weight? If you have just recently quit and are still fighting the urge to resume smoking, it’s best to move gradually into a weight-management program.
Trying to change your dietary habits too quickly can add to the stress you may still be experiencing in your efforts to remain a non-smoker and only increase your craving for cigarettes. Your highest priority at this time should be to remain a non-smoker.
Aim first to stop gaining weight, and once you’ve accomplished that, think about what additional steps it will take to lose weight. The best way to do this without impairing your ability to remain a non-smoker is to use the following strategy:
Increase your physical activity. This is more significant in the total picture right now than changing your diet because the more active you become, the easier it will be to remain a non-smoker as well as to manage your weight.
Then begin to cut the fat in your diet. Start by making low-fat substitutions for high-fat foods. Keep track of your daily fat-gram intake. If you are able, in time, to reach your target level for weight loss comfortably, without endangering your ability to remain a non-smoker, you should begin to lose weight.
If increasing your activity and cutting the fat as recommend do not prevent further weight gain and start you on the road to losing weight, as it will in almost all cases, you may be consuming too much carbohydrate. Monitor your carbohydrate intake to decide if you are overdoing sweets independently of fat that is, eating more than one piece of hard candy or any other sugar candy in place of a cigarette, or more than one serving of a complex carbohydrate at snack times.
Discuss with your doctor the use of nicotine replacement, with the nicotine patch or nicotine gum, or the use of one of a pharmacological aid that helps with smoking cessation and weight control. These aids serve a dual purpose since, like increasing physical activity, they work simultaneously to ensure your success in remaining a non-smoker and in managing your weight. If you can do it without the aid of substitutes or pills then so and good!
Continue to use whatever strategies are helping you to deal with your desire to smoke until you are safely through the transition to becoming a fully successful non-smoker. Then begin a weight-management program that best suits your requirements and goals.
Built up a strong belief in you blended with stronger will power to quit smoking. Consider giving up smoking as one of the very difficult things you have done in your life. It’s all up to you.
Develop your plan and take a decision right away for doing things accordingly.
Make short note why you want to stop smoking live longer far better, for your family, some money, smell better to find a mate easily etc. you know very well what is bad about smoking and what you will achieve when you stop smoking. Put the same on a paper and read it daily once.
Seek an all out stop smoking support from your family and friends for your decision to stop smoking. Tell them in the very near future you may become irritable, even irrational as a cause of quitting smoking habit.
Get on with a set date to stop smoking and also decide on what day you intend to say a final good-bye to cigarette. You may hold a small ceremony when you smoke your last cigarette. It’s up to your liking.
Speak to your doctor about quitting. A wholehearted support from a physician would work out as proven way to better off your shames to quit.
An exercise program on daily basis is going to help you relive of stress, and recover from years of damage from cigarettes, may be you can start walking ones or twice per day. You may also consider about some rigorous activities 3 to 4 times per week. Consult your physician prior to begin any exercise program. (Stop Smoking Exercises)
Practice some deep breathing every day 3 to 5 minutes breath in through the nose slowly hold breath for a few seconds, exhale slowly through your mouth.
Begin to imagine your way as a non-smoker. Close your eyes imagine yourself turning down offers of cigarettes, offered by someone, throwing all of your packs of cigarette away, winning a gold medal for doing so. A powerful imagination really works.
Cut back on cigarettes keep it with a gradual speed. This situation would call for a clear cut plan as to ‘how many cigarettes ‘ you will smoke everyday reducing the number following each day; you buy only one pack at a time, changing brands means you don’t enjoy smoking as much pall on cigarettes to someone else when feel like to smoke you have to ask for each time.
Mostly smokers feel if to give up smoking take firm decision once for all, just to stop smoking suddenly, no point trying to go slow and steady. You are the best judge quitting cold turkey or by gradual quitting.
Make a genuine attempt to find out another smoker who is also trying to stop smoking help each other disusing some positive thought just because quitting becomes different.
You have ‘clean sheet’ now after quitting smoking your area non smoker. You can now think of celebrating the milestone of your journey step by step. After a period of two weeks see a movie, visit a funny restaurant a month after. Covering a time span of three months move out for you after six months. A year after have a party for yourself, invite your family friends to your birthday party, celebrate your new beginning of life.
To drink lot of water. Drinking of more would help flushing out nicotine and chemical out of your body.
Avoid triggers, learn to plan alternative means and way to deal with the trigger like you feel smoking when in stress, in the end of a meal, arrival at the work, entering a bar etc.
This post is only meant as short informational description about the best treatment for Alcoholics. Many people are not aware that help is available for their loved one who is suffering. It is always best to speak to a health professional in this field to decide what to do with the alcoholic in the family.
I will, for easiness of writing refer to the male gender, although the disease of alcoholism does NOT exclude females.
You can often tell if a person is serious about his intention to try to get sober, if he goes to addiction treatment and then Alcoholics Anonymous, (AA) or goes right to AA and then continues to go to AA.
The two purposes for the 'treatment center' are: first, to detoxify the body from alcohol (this could be a dangerous process) alcohol education, to break through denial. This is something to be talked about with a counselor.
Also, when an alcoholic goes to treatment for addiction, the place that is usually more effective is the one that believes in the disease concept of alcoholism rather than believing that alcoholism is a result of other issues. (And if the person also has a psychiatric diagnosis, that the alcoholism is in addition to it, not a result of it.)
The alcoholic may also need some counseling, some serious therapy for some other issues perhaps in conjunction with AA. These other issues usually cannot be completely addressed until the alcoholic is sober, and for that, the alcoholic needs AA, because most people need AA to stay sober. It's the most effective treatment for alcoholism there is.
People who go to only counseling to try to stay sober, or only church/synagogue or whatever, or who try to do it by themselves, have a pretty poor prognosis for recovery.
The recovery rate for people who go to AA and stay in AA the rest of their lives is very good. According to AA itself (from a report in the back of the AA "Grapevine" magazine several years ago) the statistics went like this: 50% of the people who go to AA stay sober from day one; out of the remaining 50%, half of them had relapses and then came back and stayed sober, and the other half of them never made it. So, 75% of people stay sober if they go to AA. That's higher, much much higher, than any other form of treatment. So it's sort of playing Russian roulette to try doing it without AA. The only requirement for membership to AA is "A desire to stop drinking."
Yet, you always hear alcoholics say "I don't need AA. I can get sober anytime I want." Well, that may be true, but mostly it is NOT true it's not a matter of getting sober only, it's a matter of staying sober & living a happy, joyous & free life. A lot of alcoholics can get sober but can't stay sober. They will try to stay sober for a period of time just to prove that they are not alcoholics.
As a matter of fact, as the disease progresses along (and it is a fatal, progressive disease) it gets harder and harder to even GET clean for even one day. So there's a very scary (but true) saying in the rooms of recovery: "I know I have another drunk in me, I don't know if I have another recovery in me."
The thing is, with this disease, one never knows if one does have another recovery. There are people who go out and come back in, go out and come back in the rooms of AA all the time, and then one day when they want to come back into AA, they've lost the power of choice, and they try desperately and they can't get sober enough to even get to the front door. The lucky ones literally crawl back in years later, and look like they have fought the Vietnam War by themselves; that's how bad they look.
And the crazy thing about this disease is that it progresses whether or not you're drinking. So even for people who have been sober for many years, this disease is still progressing. Even though their recovery is progressing, the point is if they pick up a drink ten years after they get sober, they are as sick as if they never had stopped drinking in those 10 years.They loose ALL control of their drinking.
What If The Alcoholic Keeps Talking About Getting Sober Instead of GOING to AA?
Say it's now June and he says he'll go to AA in September. I hear this from literally hundreds of people who relate how the alcoholic says he'll go to AA later, maybe next month, or next season.
Now I'm not saying it doesn't ever lead to the person actually following through, but I would not hang my hat on it. Most of the time it leads to a lot of disappointment, because there's an old saying in AA that: "nobody woke up one fine morning, felt great, and decided to go to AA." That might be a bit of an exaggeration to say nobody did, but most of the time getting help is a surrender, it's not a pronouncement, it's not "I'll put a notice in the paper," it's not "I'll call all the cousins and tell them about it," it's not "I'll make 15 promises" and go on and on and on about it. It's usually kind of a desperate, quiet surrender, a screaming "Help!", an "Oh my God I need help!" and they just do it.
I would not say to the alcoholic, "You're not serious." I would just go about my business. I wouldn't argue about it, but I would just not count on it.
This doesn't mean that there aren't some alcoholics who will talk a lot about it before they go because they're scared and they're sort of working their way up to it. But like I said, I would not count on it. One of the changes that family members must do is to start listening to what the alcoholic DOES, not what he says. That's very important -- listen to what he does, not what he says.
Once He Has Actually Started Going To AA, He Needs To Fall In Love With AA
Now what do I mean by that? Falling in love with AA means that the alcoholic loves going. And that's the key that will keep people going back the rest of their lives so that they don't die from alcoholism.The Alcoholic also finds helpful the fellowship that takes place within the group. (Parties, picnics, bowling nights, etc.) All of course having a great time without alcohol. this also takes him away from his drinking buddies or his isolation.
Now, how does a person get from just plain old scared and just going to meetings (or resentment about going) to actually falling in love with going?
One of the ways a person gets to AA is being made to go by the courts or their employment, if they're lucky & haven't been fired first, or by their family. Then, it's "get the body there and the mind will follow." They keep going until eventually it gets into them and they start really liking it and understanding what it's about, and feeling comfortable there, and talking, and sharing, and seeing that it really is helping them tremendously. The trick is to be honest, open minded and willing.
Now some people, probably a smaller amount of people, fall in love with AA from the beginning and see how much it helps them. For most people, it's a process, it takes time. Encouragement by the family is always helpful but NOT nagging!
Why do alcoholics really need to go to so many meetings? The crux of it is this: Meeting goers believe that no matter how long their sobriety is they "ONLY HAVE TODAY" to help them with their issues and not to pick up a drink, most members go to a meeting everyday in the beginning & as many meetings as possible after recovery, if there are enough meetings in the area. If not it's important to talk to another alcoholic on the phone, or a sponsor who guides them through the process. For the alcoholic it has been their reaction for so many years to pick up a drink or drug, to kill the pain of an emotion or to help them with stress. The meetings help them to release their stress or emotions by talking about them and learning how recovered alcoholics deal with the same things without the use of alcohol. Recovered alcoholics stay in AA for the long haul one day at a time, & therefore keep living a sober, happy, joyous life and don't die from alcoholism? The two keys that I see that keep them there, is they go to enough meetings and really start seeing how it's their "daily medicine" and it helps them tremendously. Every member learns to express their feelings & emotional pain. They talk about whatever is bothering them, no matter how embarrassing it is; they get it out and they share it with people who help them to see how to use the tools of the program to help them recover from this killer disease.
The information provided herein is not intended to be considered counseling or other professional advice. Please see a health professional about your particular situation.
